He married me because he thought he could ‘help’ me but then realized I wasn’t worth giving up any more of his time or youth for. And who could care about or love someone who can’t protect her own flesh? I avoid the pain and bury it deep, but it is still there. I feel like it has been a life time of regret, but it has only been a little over three years. Babies…please forgive me, I still love you and I know I have a horrible way of showing it.Yes I still hurt because of him, but I hurt even more for what he convinced me to do. [/blockquote] Thank you, for sharing your story via our website. You have been through so much pain and suffering and at the same time you are so wise.This tiny mass that could not be mistaken for anything else but a helpless baby. Thinking about how beautiful and healthy this child would have been.
But every time I just completely shut off all emotion.
My husband was sad, but more relieved when it happened. This time around I was not scared and so sure that this baby was meant for me.
Another couple of months went by and my marine of a husband was still sweet and kind to me. I wanted it so badly and knew I would be a fantastic mother, even if I had my doubts in the first place with baby girl #1 and even if I was young.
I look forward to e-mailing you tomorrow and helping you find a local post-abortion healing ministry. He convinced me to lie to my family and friends and tell them I lost the baby. I have never had a friend to get close enough to be able to confide in. He physically and mentally abused me for years and I still think I deserved it. I can’t get help for it because I won’t admit what I did much less talk about it.
He drove me to get the abortion but didn’t want me using his last name so I used my maiden name. I remember while I was waiting for “my turn” crying my eyes out. I never knew that there was a name for what I became after the abortion until I watched an episode on “Touched By An Angel” the other night. He turned my son against me when I finally got the courage to divorce him. Just typing this makes me want to scream but I don’t.