Dating rejection after divorce

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"Fear absolutely devastates some people," says clinical psychologist Michael S. People can be very proficient in other parts of their lives, but the fear of dating can make them stay alone or pine for the relationship they left." Others rebound or get involved in another relationship too soon.

Their desperation usually stems from sadness, guilt, anger or anxiety about being alone.

Working with Shigeyuyki Hamori, an economist at Kobe University in Japan, I researched methods for estimating the qualities and contributions of marriage prospects.

At the core, inaccurate social pricing is a by-product of low self-esteem and other negative self-emotions. "It can be the fear of being hurt, rejected or involved, and it can stem from a history of having been hurt or of traumatic relationships.

"You get this feeling that you're in the worst possible situation in your life," Broder explains.

"Then you may do what you later consider desperate: a one-night stand, calling the ex or ignoring intuitive warnings and jumping into a bad relationship you would never choose if you weren't feeling reckless." Fortunately, it is possible to avoid these and other pitfalls when seeking out a new partner.

So, the next time you are feeling bad because of a recent rejection—whether it is about the end of your long marriage, or because the person you were dating and liked decided not to return your calls, or if you do not get hired for the job you were hoping for, remember the following. It’s a secret about rejection that many don’t know, and few know how to integrate.

As we learn to move on after divorce, even the strongest of us can’t help but feel like we did something wrong when the person we loved and cared about and spent our lives with as a partner suddenly doesn’t want to be with us anymore. It’s time we start looking at rejection in a different way—one that will empower us instead of a stupid feeling that continues to hold us down and questions ourselves and steal us of our self-worth. You know the ones I’m talking about—whenever you go to a carnival or a visit a beach boardwalk—two activities that many of you may have enjoyed this summer—you may pass one a long mirror that you may stop in front of. Nope—instead, you see this warped vision of yourself, with a stretched-out head or shortened legs, and you look silly. Once you focus on yourself, there’s something very important you need to understand.

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