Dating a girl in an open relationship
It was 2012 and I was still new to New York and its endless sexual variety, and I received an Ok Cupid message from a 30-year-old man named Matt.
He seemed funny and kind, attractive and well-employed.
“I’ve never gone on a date with one of those people. You see a cute profile and read the bio, and then BAM.
‘I am so in love with my girlfriend.’ Fuck you, dude,” Elena, 29, told me. They’re already in relationships there to drain our already small well.” Although many of the women I spoke with were open to non-monogamy in theory, the value proposition of dating a coupled man without an existing primary partner of their own felt uncompelling.
And while the changing natures of marriage and monogamy are interesting (and Zeitgeist-y), the proliferation of open relationships requires the participation of a group whose stake in the issue has gone largely unexamined: single people, and especially single women, whose place in society has changed most rapidly of anyone during the current generation.
It’s easy to feel like everyone’s poly now, but does anyone want to date them?
“I would fuck them once or twice, but I wouldn’t date them.
Dating is an issue of allocating resources, both temporal and emotional, and that just seems like a losing bet,” said Beth, 36.
I had a dry spell that was getting unbearable, and a cute married guy on Tinder messaged me at a weak moment.” At 29, she felt sure enough of her own wants and needs to try something a little outside her comfort zone.
It was exactly the mix of stability and flexibility I craved in my mid-20s, and with Matt and the handful of paired-but-open men I dated in the years following, I got it.
Somewhere around 30, though, I found myself at an unexpected tipping point: Dating apps had begun to feel so full of already-attached men that their presence became annoying, so much so that I added a disclaimer to my profiles asking poly men to direct their efforts elsewhere.
“You end up beholden to this weird cosmology in which everyone but you has a partner already.” It’s the sexual version of , and you’re the cheese that stands alone.
And if that’s what you’re looking for, then it’s perfect.